Paradox, Part Six: Sincerity
by Jared Schor

He turned and began walking hastily in her direction. She stood there, still rooted to the ground as the fierce, golden-headed man came toward her. Part of her was terrified, but another part was enthralled by the glorious inferno within him. Both the fear and fascination forbade her legs from moving. She could feel a seizure coming on, the raw power radiating from the man tempting the convulsions that would bring her to her knees. But the man continued past, his eyes meeting hers for only the briefest of moments.

She stood there, still paralyzed with emotion, but feeling the pressure of the oncoming seizure subside. Silently she scolded herself for her lapse in control. I can be stronger, she willed. I need to be stronger to get better. Still, the stranger intrigued her. Someone like that could have the answers to the questions that burned within her. Should she go after him, in the hopes that he could help her?

She took off in the direction the man had gone. Although she knew the chances of finding him were slim, she had to try. Racing through the darkness, she had little thought to give for her own safety. It now seemed unimportant. The only thing of any real value was the man and his flame. After running for what seemed like hours, she caught sight of him at the bridge. He was getting onto the pedestrian walkway; it looked like he was going to leave the city on foot. She was still a great distance behind him, and so he was almost halfway across by the time she got to the bridge.

"Wait!" she called after him, unsure whether or not he could hear her from so far away over the din of the traffic. At first it appeared that he had, for he stopped and began to turn around. However, he stopped mid-rotation, looking out over the waters below. He was standing beneath a burnt-out streetlight and he had almost disappeared among the shadows, but the flame that blazed inside of him was clearly visible to Calina. As she watched, he viciously ripped aside a portion of the rusted chain-link fence that lined the sides of the bridge.

"Wait!" she called again. "What are you doing?"

This time the man turned to face her. Wordlessly, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a plain white envelope. Looking directly at Calina, he tossed it onto the ground next to him. Then he turned back toward the water and stepped onto the short guardrail next to the walkway. Calina saw what was coming, but was still too far away to do anything. The man stood on the rail for only a second, looking down at the black waters, before throwing himself over the edge.

"Wait!" she cried one last time, knowing that her words could not stop a body in midair. She sprinted to the spot where he had stood moments before, leaning over the guardrail, hoping to see his flame glowing in the water, but all was dark. For an instant, she considered following him into the water, but knew that she was not ready to do so. Then she remembered the envelope, and scanned the pavement for it, desperate for any answers it might hold. Inside was a letter, but in the darkness it was impossible to make out. She walked quickly over to the nearest streetlamp and began eagerly to read:

On this page I write my final confession in the hope that I will be redeemed--if not in your eyes, then at least in the eyes of God. I have committed a terrible crime: I have taken an innocent life. For this there can be little chance of redemption, but I will do what I can. To fully explain my sin, I must begin with my birth, for that was my first crime.

Years ago, my mother came to this city in the middle of a snowstorm. She was very sick and very pregnant, and to escape the storm she took shelter in the city's cathedral. She was kindly taken in by priests there, who did what they could to care for her. That night, however, my mother went into labor. The priests were horrified. They knew that the birth could not take place in the church, but with the storm raging worse than ever, there was nothing they could do. And so, my twin brother and I were born, killing my weakened mother in the process.

Yet that was not our only sin. Beneath the church dwells some great, ancient evil so powerful that its mere presence was enough to corrupt the pure souls of two newborn children. Within my brother and I resided some of the evil that plagues the church. We were cursed to live as half-men, half-demons.

I only later discovered that some of the priests had wanted to kill the two of us, but one priest, Alexander, came to our rescue. He bound us to our purely human forms with holy spells from the time of the great evil. He became like a father to us, raising us as his own children.

Things were good for many years. As my brother and I grew into men, however, resentment began to grow between our adopted father and us. We came to understand that we were never to have children, or even to be with women, for to do so would risk spreading the evil that contaminated us.

For a time, we were able to accept this, but after some years my brother fell deeply in love with a woman--so much so that he wished to marry her. Foolishly, he sought the blessing of Father Alexander, informing the entire priesthood about his relationship. The council of priests voted unanimously to sentence him to death. And so, when I found out, I killed them. I killed them all. I released my inner demon and destroyed them, body and soul. In my rage, however, I killed an innocent nun, and for this I must dispatch myself from the world. Which one I visit next I will soon know.


Calina stood on the bridge, under the streetlamp, now with more questions than ever before.

Nickolai...

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Part Five: Paranoia | Part Seven: Renewal